Back and Forward--2007 and 2008

Every year at this time I review my accomplishments and make a new or revised list for future deeds. 2007 hasn't been that kind nor that exciting. Makes me kind of glad to see 2008 come. Hope springs eternal.

Thankfully, no one died in my family this year. And as I predicted, there were lots of marriage in my family, just not mine. No new babies. We had so many last year but I'm sure with the new marriages there will be new additions to the family next year. That's me and mini-me, my daughter Jillian, in a photo taken during the holidays.

The biggest accomplishment for me was teaching at IUN. That was very rewarding. It makes me want to keep on teaching. I also sold several copies of my play at the COGIC convention in Memphis.

The biggest disappointment is leaving my home after nearly 17 years. I'm leaving behind lots of memories good and bad. I should be excited about getting a newer place but I'm not. I'll warm up to it next year, I guess.

This year I met Benjamin Cotten, a cousin I never knew. He has the genealogy bug just like me. Together we shall plan a family reunion for as many Cottens as we can get together. Next year I plan on traveling. Hopefully, my inheritance will finally come in so that will help. As always, I plan on being debt free. Maybe this year it will really happen. I plan on putting on my play in May for Mother's Day. Of course, I hope this is the year that "he" finally shows up. That is my greatest desire. It really sucks being single.

So here's to a better, more prosperous, happier, more loving New Year to everyone!

Memories

Christmas conjures up so many memories good, bad, ugly, beautiful, and hopeful. It's like potato chips--you keep hoping they will be as great as the first one.

For me, Christmas is Toyland in my front room when I was a child and then again for my children. It's the look on the face of my lover when he receives the present from my heart and knows it is my heart. It's the pure, unadulterated joy on my children's faces on Christmas morning even though they think some fat man in red suit brought them the presents and not me and my husband.

But Christmas is also that day I now watch in envy the joy of others. It's loneliness and wishful thinking. It's a memory that I try to keep buried. Nine years on December 23rd my husband died. I found his body. I had to tell my children. Like a ghost of Christmas past, the memory haunts me every year at this time.

Last December 23rd I was so full of hope. I spent it with a man whom I loved, the first one I have loved since my husband. It was wonderful. We watched "Love Actually," a chick flick, I know. It's one of my favorite movies. I gave him presents that cost little but were all heartfelt. I saw that look in his eyes. And then--nothing. I knew it in my soul even before New Year's Eve even though I tried to quiet the thought. Now he is out of my life too.

So this Christmas I will rewarm the good memories and put the bad ones on ice and continue to pray and hope for better ones because that is what I do.

If At First

I failed miserably at writing 100 blogs in 100 days but my mamma always told me nothing beats a failure but a try. And Yoda said there is no trying only doing. So here I go again. I'm going to see how long I can keep it going. I already wrote two in one day. That's real progress.